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Hey fellas, if you’re thinking about dating a white girl — which is a learning experience that all black men should undergo at some point in their lives — it’ll expose you to racism in ways that only a trained eye can recognize.

To further this premise, I’ve come up with 10 examples based on some of my romantic encounters with white women, the first of which included one of them looking to her left and to her right before kissing me in public.

It was 2013 at the time, many moons ahead the Jim Crow era, and still, as a white woman, she instinctively made sure that no one else could see us sharing a kiss.

In that moment, I thought to myself, “Bitch, you ain’t crossing the the street. ” But looking back, I shouldn’t have been offended — she was only protecting herself from the disapproving stares that come whenever there’s a sighting of a mixed-race couple, especially the vanilla-chocolate variety.

As a professional matchmaker, I’ve interviewed over 1,000 singles, and in the past two and a half years, I’ve made around 2,500 matches.

This means I have been #blessed to hear a lot of this nonsense, and honestly, most of it doesn’t faze me. I meant monumental and indicative of an entrenched and deeply troubling societal prejudice that we have been unable to overcome throughout the course of human history.

Because people become the most neurotic versions of themselves on their quest for True Love, and that’s totally allowed. Here’s the thing: when asked during in-person meetings, 90% of my clients report having racial preferences. And I’m not just talking about white-on-white preferences.

People are entitled to their taste and you can’t help who you fall in love with, right? Which maybe doesn’t sound bad, because I mean, they have other preferences, too. I’m talking about all my clients, only 55% of whom identify as white.

But there is definitely a reason beyond “they just don’t do it for me.”This is about social forces shaping our preferences, and we’ll never progress without acknowledging that fact. And our society has tacitly decided that those guidelines only apply to your professional life.Unfortunately, most people feel like attraction is out of their control. So the next time you’re absent-mindedly swiping left, ask yourself why you’re rejecting those profiles.Like it’s something they’re born with and nothing can be done about it. And if the answer is “attraction,” just imagine me reading this article aloud to you, really close to your face, without modulating the volume of my voice. To take one of the most obvious and simple examples, consider Hollywood, which is notoriously white. That means the math equation looks something like this: If Hollywood=White, and Hollywood=Hot, then White=Hot. We are not the passive victims of our own internalized biases. As author and psychologist James Giles writes, “That is not to say that romantic attraction is fully under our control, but only that it is not fully our control.” So when are our love lives going to start reflecting that? People are happy to acknowledge that hiring someone based on their skin is racist.According to the 20 Hollywood Diversity Report, minorities “remain underrepresented on every front.” They’ve reported that “more than half of films had casts that were 10% minority or less.” (The Every Single Word Spoken project is a great illustration of this.) Hollywood is also hot. The problem is that no one is inundating us with hot Asian guys, or hot black women who aren’t Kerry Washington. Studies have shown that we are attracted to what we know and are used to, but as Deborah Ward writes, “Repeated exposure to certain people will increase our attraction toward them.” This means that a conscious change in behavior will impact subconscious desires. Whether workplaces to their goals of diversity is another, much longer, discussion, but the guidelines are there. But somehow, dating someone based on their skin is not.

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