My friend is dating a pathological liar

I worry that if I brush it under the carpet I am not giving him any incentive to stop doing it, but if I kick up a big fuss it doesn't really help anyone.

I used to be head over heels in love with this man.

- Got engaged to me and, when he was 'ill' with the heart condition we planned to go for a no-frills registry office wedding with no guests, he must have 'booked' at least a hundred appointments for us to get married but always something would come up (usually medical) and we would have to cancel.

- In the early months of our relationship when we moved in together he sabotaged my bank account, got it closed down, and I had no bank account of my own for 6 years.

He went to the doctor (I went with him) and got referred to a counsellor, although as things turn out he hasn't actually had that much counselling due to having to join a waiting list and us having moved to different counties twice since this came to light, meaning that as soon as he gets offered help he has had to join a new health authority and new waiting list.

I did see a similar thread from 2007 by a lady who had discovered that her partner lied about everything ... The other mums quickly sussed that my partner was lying.I have reason to believe that he's telling the truth about this and I believe the resulting trauma is a large part of why he has done all this awful stuff.I confronted him about the heart condition in mid-2012, asking him if he was sure it wasn't a psychological problem rather than a physical one.I don't earn anywhere near enough for us to be able to afford childcare, so I'm stuck with living with him.And as I say, part of me doesn't want us to split up.

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I think that the difference with my partner is that he is trying to change, he has tried from the moment he realised what he was doing. Looking back, I think that my real reason for writing the post was to test other people's reactions - I suspected my partner was lying, but it seemed too incredible that he would have made it up, so I guess I was trying to see whether it was obvious to other people. I honestly don't think this is something that he will be able to change on his own, can he have some kind of counselling or cbt?

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